You Know What the President Can Go Do, Right?

I never got one of these.

I never even got close.

Twice a year, our gym teacher would force us to run a mile, do sit ups to a stop watch, do push ups to that very same stop watch, count pull ups, do standing broad jumps, and run relays.

We never got any training on these things. We didn't practice sit ups or pull ups or do any running training. Mostly gym class was slightly more organized recess.

We put on our gym clothes (Entirely too freaking short shorts, and a cotton t-shirt both in the horrible school colors with little lions printed on them that flaked off and left yellow plastic shreds all over your legs) and were forced to do some basic stretches (toe touches. Lots of them. With our male gym teacher walking around behind us. Subtle? NOT!) and then were turned loose in the school gym where we had our choices. We could 'run laps' or play basketball or play badminton. Or volleyball, I think, was allowed. No one ever played it, though, so I can't be sure of that. Mostly the guys would play basketball (shirts vs skins; with all the girls pointing out that D____ needed to be on the shirts team, and T____ and H___ needed to be on the skins team) and the girls walked around the gym in small groups, talking about whatever it is that high school girls talk about. My gym partner and I played badminton.

Every once in a blue moon, someone would be inspecting the Coach's class, in which case we were dragged outdoors and made to play kickball (ug.) or softball (more ug) or run laps around the track. (See above about girls strolling in smallish groups.)

When class was almost over, we'd be herded back into the locker rooms to change, and Coach would "have something he needed to talk about" with the female coach and head to her office. Her office, I might add, was INSIDE the girl's locker room. In a fishbowl-type office. So, we'd all grab our clothes from our lockers and then either squeeze into the very back of the locker room (generally with other girls forming a 'body line' between us and the office windows) or take turns in the toilet stalls. No one. Ever. Showered. No matter what.

So, twice a year, we took these Presidential Academic Fitness Award tests. As far as I know, no one from my high school EVER earned one. My gym partner and I used to joke about it, wondering if Ronald Regan was doing sit ups in the Oval Office. He probably wasn't much better at it than we were.

I don't know about anyone else, but I never even bothered to try, after maybe the second year that we started doing them. I walked a mile. I'd touch my fingers to the pull up bar and stand there until Coach made me "stop". Sit ups? Pfffft. I might do three. In a minute. Push ups? Bah! Standing broad jump? Oh, maybe four inches.

There wasn't any point, really. Even when I was trying as best I could, I wasn't making even the 50% marker.

And it didn't make any difference. What we did in PE for the rest of the year wasn't based on our performances. Coach didn't expect us to succeed, and the fact that he never assisted us with any training or conditioning... well, what was he supposed to do? It's not like his JOB was getting us fit. He was the track and field coach and the only thing that mattered to the school was how the track team did. I mean, really.

I'd have loved to have math class the way we had PE. "Oh, well, you can do addition if you want to, and over here, you can work on fractions, and maybe if you feel up to it, I have some algebra. And there's a test, twice a year, on calculus, but I don't really care how you do. And neither does anyone else. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go coach the chess team."