Right, Or Happy? (Pick One)

What we believe usually dictates how we feel. Our attitudes about people and events will generate our emotional responses to them. Our attitudes and beliefs are always right, otherwise we would believe something else. Since we have practiced our attitudes and beliefs over a lifetime, we are very loyal to them. It is very common to get stuck on our rightness and lose sight of our real human objective which is to be happy. Many people believe that being right IS being happy.

- Russell Friedman & John W. James

There's something to be said about being Right. I wouldn't know what that something is, however. I spend a lot of time playing peacemaker. In the A/B personality matrix, I'm not the one who cares where the hyphen is in Anal-Retentive.

Thomas hasn't spoken with his father more than four times in the last eleven years. His father learned that he was a grandfather about 5 weeks after Darcy was born. At my instigation. Rick and Thomas are so busy being Right that they don't know how to talk to each other. They don't even want to... they're so busy being Right that they're not talking to each other about who was right and who was wrong for issues that no one can even remember. It's sad.

Thomas would rather be Right.

I would rather be Happy.

This means, in practical terms, that I spend a lot of time being Wrong. And apologizing for things that I did, even if he and I both know that I did the best thing at that particular time.

It can get very tiring, sometimes, always being Wrong. Always being the one to come forward, to make up, to make peace.

The problem with being right is it usually costs you your happiness to be right. When you are being right you cannot grow. When you are being right you cannot see areas that you could improve. When you are being right you are not being loving. One of the secrets of a truly powerful person is giving up being right. Even when you know you are.

When you give up being right and focus on what you want, Love automatically becomes present. Love automatically shows up in its place. Peace and happiness show up when you give up being right.

Yes you can be right for the principle of the thing. And if you are right for the principle of the thing what you will end up with at the end of the day is the principle of the thing. It will cost you love, it will cost you your happiness and often it will cost you your wealth. The price it costs to be right is just not worth it.

Yes you get to be right, but the price you have to pay is very heavy.

Thomas brings his work home with him, and he chews over it in the evenings, after the people he's mad at are long since home and eating their dinner and probably not thinking about him in the least.

I was watching him, last night, rant and rave and bitch and moan about this audit thing at Evil French Company. Almost tearing his hair out, knowing that today he'd be dealing with the Manager of Operations, who is both Stupid and Always Right...

After a while, he stopped ranting and looked at me. "What are you smiling about?"

"I was thinking how lucky I am."

"For what? Not having to put up with corporate bullshit?"

"Not really. More thinking it was nice not to be burdened with having to be Right."

"What?"

"In the end, will it matter if you are Right, or Pete is Right? Will the auditor care? The process is flawed. There's no way to fix that tomorrow. At the best, you'll get an Observation. At the worst, you'll get an Improvement Item. Even if you argue about it, that won't change anything. You'll just look stupid and petty. BOTH of you. So don't argue. Don't make yourself all angry and frustrated. It doesn't matter if he's wrong. It doesn't matter if you're wrong."

"But I'm not wrong," Thomas grumbles.

"Well, you're not happy, either," I say.

"I hate you."

"Only because you know I'm Right."