Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Life, The Universe, and Everything

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

- Douglas Adams

Since January, I have lost a total of 42 pounds. I just... you know, had to mention that.

My weigh in, I was down 2.4 pounds. (Of course, just because it's not a race and all, I had a great week... and Thomas had a greater one. He's like .4 pounds away from his 50 pound star. Sigh.)

"It's not a contest, hon," Thomas says.

"Of course it's not," I retort. "That's because you're winning."

"If it'll make you feel better, I'll go out and eat two Big Macs this week."

"Oh, don't do that," I said. "Then you'll just lose 8 pounds and I'll have to kill you."

He passed his second 10% marker this week, too... I passed mine back in the beginning of July. The weight I'm shooting for now is 161 (with some special celebration at 169, where I officially stop being "obese"). Thomas is... maybe another 25-30 pounds from reaching his goal. I'm... not even halfway.

This gets a bit depressing sometimes.

You know, back in the beginning of this weight loss thing, I thought I was being all cool about the idea that Thomas would probably have an easier time of things than I did, that he would lose more weight, and that faster...

But it didn't happen that way. For quite a long time, I was either even with him, or just a little ahead of him. Even then, I knew he'd reach goal before me, having less weight to lose than I did... and I'm just not as sanguine about that as I'd like to be. I think the core of what bothers me about this is that he's NOT working at this at all. His habits haven't changed in the slightest. He eats what I put in front of him. I make his lunch for him, and that's what he eats. When we eat out, we tend to select slightly less bad for us restaurants (Red Robin, for instance, is Right Out!) but he still tends to eat the same kind of food. He usually gets ribs... baked potato instead of mashed or fries, and he usually eats his broccoli.

That's pretty much it. I'm the one who knows most point values off the top of my head; knows if something is Core or not, does all the menu and food planning, writes up the grocery list, does the entirety of the cooking, planned out our exercise program (if you can call walking 6.6 miles in a week a "plan") and generally gives us an active "event" on the weekends.

And I know - I know, mind you - that he would not be functioning this well on his own. Given his own lead, Thomas would mostly be eating take-out. Or not at all. He'd certainly never be able to do Core on his own; he can't cook worth a damn. Hello Smart Ones. And to give him credit, he knows it, too. He's more than happy to shower me with the accomplishments of our family; that we're eating better, getting healthier and more fit, and it's almost entirely my doing.

"You know what your problem is, hon?" He asks me last night, after I'd had a bit of a rant about some stuff that was bothering me. (The biggest one being that I was feeling bad about myself for throwing out half of my ice-cream the other night. The reason I was feeling bad about this was that I couldn't decide if I threw it out because I really didn't want it anymore, or if I threw it out to prove that I could. Thomas, in typical guy fashion, wondered what difference it made; if I didn't eat the calories, I didn't eat them, and my fat cells have no idea about and no interest in, my moral dilemmas.)

"I only have one? This is an improvement."

"You don't own your own achievements. You are entitled to feel good about your weight loss. You are entitled to be proud of that. It's all right."

"Thanks so much for your permission." Sarcasm, luckily, does not get the sheets wet when it pools all over the place like that.

"It's not my permission you need, sweetheart, but your own."


Anonymous said...

...Interesting. I noticed you throwing out half your ice cream, and my first thought was, "You know, you could've bought a child's size..." And then I wondered if it was a trick your WW leader had told you, like, when having ice cream with your fat friends, take smaller bites (cf: using the sample spoon instead of the regular one) and stop eating when they do.

If it's not, it should be. ;-)


Anonymous said...

I probably shouldn't say this, but he's totally right. :-)

HAVING said that, I get where you're coming from. I don't understand it either, but...I do get it.

It's great to have someone keeping you company on the journey. But how to avoid inevitable comparisons? That one I don't have yet.


Felicia said...

Congrats on your loss so far!! Progress is progress! No matter whose right, its a matter of if you get something out of it that makes it worth it.

Your doing great.

Hope you have a WONDERFUL day!

Anonymous said...

You know, not to dump on Thomas-- because I *do* think he's being fantastic and supportive, and making the choice to step up and do this (I hear a lot at my meetings from women who are looking for "sneaky" ways to cook healthy, or compromise, because their husbands/families are just NOT on with the whole "diet food" thing-- much less exercising with them), but it occurs to me that you ARE winning this.

Did you even read what you just wrote? YOU are setting the exercise schedule. YOU are counting the Points. YOU are shopping and cooking. If you're in a race, hon, you're on your opponent's pit crew! If what you said is true, yeah, he may be losing faster than you, but you're as responsible for HIS weight loss as your own. Sure, he could be choosing not to do this with you. He could be tossing packs of HoHos in the shopping cart when you go to the store. He doesn't do that, and that's fantastic. But you said it yourself: he would NOT be doing this without you. He's walking this path with you-- maybe getting ahead sometimes-- but it's a path that *your* choice put you both on.

So, you've lost... *10* dress sizes, is it now? You've achieved over 40 pounds of steady, healthy weight-loss, you have a permanent and fantastically supportive partner to do it with you, and you're getting a leaner, healthier, sexier husband in the process. And-- oh, yeah, let's not forget-- you're setting an amazing example for your daughter, and giving her habits *she* can live with for a long time to come. You ARE winning. So tell that stupid whiny guy in your head to shut the heck up already.

new*me said...

yes, you should be proud of every little accomplishment....even the weeks you don't lose....just the fact you are choosing a healthier lifestyle and have had a major wake up call :) My hubby has went from a size 42 in waist to a 35 in under 3 months just by my changes in cooking....no exercise..it's just those darn men (love 'em) have a better metabolism most of the time

Manuela said...

Congrats on your accomplishments, race or not ;)

From a proud wench!!!

Lynn said...

Hi Lynn! I have enjoyed reading through your blog. Your before and after pictures are amazing! Good for you!!! I plan on keeping up with your journey. I still have 98 pounds to lose, so mine is going to be a long one! :) ~The Other Lynn

Cammy@TippyToeDiet said...

Good for Thomas for realizing AND acknowledging how very much credit you deserve.

A friend of mine and I were up for the same award once (for new writers), and she won. Since I was her "first reader" and helped her polish her stories, I was thrilled she won. Which puzzled the heck out of her and she asked me why I was so happy. I told her (honestly) that the minute they called her name, I won, too!

It's the same with you and Thomas, I think. Every single pound he loses is part yours. (He gets partial credit for not eating two Big Macs when the urge strikes. *G*)

Anonymous said...

huge props on your loss so far.

there's such a mind**** that goes along with all this (sorry. I had to say it :)) but it will come in time.
that it all works itself out BECAUSE youre working on IT.


Slenderella said...

You have done so well!!! Really.

I don't know why, but the guys are so much more relaxed about such things, and it's annoying.