Zoooooooooomba

I tried Zumba yesterday.

The operative word being "tried."

Yoda, with his "do or do not" obviously never attempted any baking, since we all know you can try to bake a cake, and sometimes you just don't succeed.

The class was HUGE - quite a shift from the morning Yoga class - something like 40 people were crammed into the same room. The instructor was very tiny. Not just thin, but the kind of woman that the slang word "shawty" was made for. I mean, I'm not exactly tall, but this girl was... maybe 4'8"? Given that the class was so large, this made her extremely difficult for me to see, even when she was standing on the stage.

Also, there were four new people, of which I was one, and most of the rest of them were very familiar with the class. She didn't call out moves or anything. Often she made a hand gesture over her head when we were getting ready to change up moves, but since I'd never been to a class before, I didn't know what any of them meant.

Now, don't get me wrong, none of the basic moves were all that hard. I've done regular dance aerobics before, and these were just modified steps like I've done before. Except with a lot more hip and leg movements. And for instance, when I started rhythm boxing, I was remarkably uncoordinated the first few dozen times, but I kept at it, and eventually I learned. Well, the basic steps, at least. I'm just not up to shaking what my mamma gave me... I think the instructors hips are attached to the rest of her with string, like those little toys, you know the ones, where you push the button on the bottom of their stand and they collapse like wet noodles?

And I learn pretty fast - it's one of the advantages of being a genius (which is completely countered by being socially inept and uncoordinated!) - so usually within a series, it wouldn't take me long to get it.

I ended up leaving the class after 40 minutes, when it was a 60-minute class, but that was because all the jumping around had annoyed my bladder (one of the joys of getting older and having babies that no one ever told me... ) and I had to go visit the ladies room. Next time, I'll remember to go RIGHT before class!

That's right, I said NEXT TIME.

Despite being relatively uncoordinated, I had a good time for those 40 minutes.

(to make up the cardio, I hit the elliptical for 25 minutes after I used the facilities before heading home...)

I also got macked on by someone who overheard me discussing raiding with Drew. (one of the guys from the gym that I've talked to several times... we discuss Warcraft, which is actually kind of fun to talk about while on the elliptical... PS - it is also very funny to be listening to mathematical formulas while doing cardio... badass fucking fractal!) Ok, dude. Seriously. Yes, I'm a girl. Yes, I'm a gamer. No, I'm not going to sleep with you. Go away.

Yo(ga)!

So, I took my first Yoga class yesterday.

Wow.

I just can't say that enough. Wow.

I've done a bit of yoga before, mostly in front of the TV. There's a bit of yoga poses on the Wii Fit and I have a 15 minute Yoga workout on one of my DVDs, but there's a huge difference between Wii Fit and an actual instructor. (First of all, while I love my wii, the "trainer" is annoying - I have an overworked A button thumb from hitting the "skip whatever you're saying" button - and the background is the most cheerless gym in the world.) Not that the decor in the Onelife is anything to write home about, unless you're into weird color scheme letters.

The class is pretty small. I was the only new person, and there were six of us total. The instructor, Melissa, was a tiny little woman. She came in and asked if there was anything we particularly wanted to work on; to which I responded that I didn't know, since I was new to the class.

So she took us through an entire body-stretching routine, to kind of see where my flexibility was and what poses I would need work with. Melissa is, of course, a Bendy Wendy, but I didn't feel particularly out of place. I was about in the small-to-middle side of the class. (One of these days, I'm going to STOP playing Fattest Girl in the Room. Check back with me in 2020.)

I don't really remember the names of any of the poses, except cat-cow and downward dog, both of which I've done before. But the stretches felt really good - a little tight through the backs of my legs and calves - but good. And one of the things we did - thumb against the mirror, arm straight, bending away from the arm? - fixed a weird pull I've had in my shoulder for about a week now. It was *really* nice to be able to sleep last night without waking up because my shoulder was hurting.

At the end of class, Melissa and I talked a bit and she asked me why I'd decided to do yoga, so I told her about my car accident. (Eight years ago, I hit a woman in a conversion van who was making an illegal left hand turn across four lanes of traffic. I spent 3 months on the sofa and six months learning to walk again. Given that I was told I'd never walk again, I've come a LONG, long way. Last year, I walked 60 miles across three days in a charity event.) Still, my flexibility isn't what I'd like to be, especially in the ankle that I broke - shattered would be a better description! My ankle doesn't actually bend forward very well. Much better than it used to, but I think there's still room for improvement.

She was impressed with the flexibility I did have, especially in the hips. "I would never have guessed you as a beginner if you hadn't told me."

I will definitely be going again. I feel completely relaxed. Also, I got two vertebrae in my back to pop, which desperately needed to. So despite being mad about my weigh in last night (according to WW's scale, I maintained this week. According to my scale at home, I should have been down 2 pounds! Argh! I am TIRED of paying $12 a week to feel like a failure.) I feel pretty relaxed today.

Cure the Creep

[Just for those of you who are wondering, I think I'm actually out of my depression... Or at least, I've been in twilight/manic for about 10 days now, and that's a good sign. I'm feeling more like myself instead of like a paper-doll cut out with a Lee Press On Smile...]

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
- Creep, Radio Head

I joined a gym today.

I belong to a discount service, called Groupon. (That's my referral code.) Groupon offers - 5 days a week - a discount coupon to one service or company in my local area. Today's deal was a month's membership to Onelife gym for $29 instead of their normal month-to-month fee of $69. So, I decided I'd go check it out... I didn't want to buy a membership, gym unseen, so I added a gym tour to my list of things to do today.

I admit, I felt some qualms as I parked in the lot and headed towards the gleaming building. A tiny-thin lady left the building just as I got there. I started feeling all weird and uncomfortable. I don't know why I do that; maybe it's just I associate the word "gym" with "gym class". Or I have some obscurely weird paranoid delusion that I'll walk in and one of the personal trainers will look actively horrified that someone like me thinks I could possibly belong to a gym. Logically, I know this is NOT going to happen. But there's still a part of me that expects a Jillian-esque drill instructor type to pop out from behind a cardio machine, yelling "What the hell are you doing here, fatty! Run run run!"

Bah.

Needless to say, my experience was exactly nothing like that.

I tucked Darcy off into the kid's club - they have a fairly large area for kids to play in, with a hamster tube, TV-room, bunches of toys and books - and went on the tour.

Who am I, and what did I do with the old Lynn? I was actually excited that they had a ton of stair masters. I've always wanted to try flight-climbing as a form of workout. Everything I've heard about stair masters has been really good.

The clientele seemed to be various amounts of fit. There were some bulked out dudes and some thin ladies, but there were also others who were less than perfect. A personal trainer nodded at me from where she was working circuits with a lady who was probably a good ten years older than I am, and ish 30-40 pounds heavier. And she wasn't even YELLING! Woah, I like that. I'm just not inspired by people yelling at me. Being yelled at or called names doesn't inspire me to work harder, it inspires me to walk away and not come back.

They have a "cardio cinema" for watching movies while you do your machine work. They've also got a ladies' only weight room. (Not sure either of those will be on my list... the air flow in the ladies' only room seemed particularly stagnant.)

The guy who gave me a tour - Drew - was nice, enthusiastic, and asked me questions about my fitness goals, past experiences, and previous goals. He was impressed as hell with my weight loss, and encouraging about my ability to get rid of these 7 pounds of creep.

(Ug. Why the HELL have I let my weight get so out of control that I'm back to 140 pounds?? Ug ug ug.)

Anyway, I went home (after the farmer's market and the grocery store) and signed up.

So, tomorrow will be my first day in the gym.

I'll keep ya posted.