Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Wax On, Wax Off


Waxing Lady: So this is your first time getting body wax?
Andy Stitzer: Yes. Yes it is.
Waxing Lady: Take off your shirt.
Andy Stitzer: Ok.
[Takes off his shirt revealing a very hairy torso]
Waxing Lady: [to whoever's outside] Oh, we gonna need more wax.
Cal: I'm staying. This is gonna be good.
Waxing Lady: and clear all my appointments in the afternoon.
40 Year Old Virgin

There are some days when I look around and I have no idea who these people are in my life. I'm not talking about friends; I'm talking about the woman who's wearing the size 8 jeans and who spends 15 minutes in the evening doing facial masks and the guy who is waxing his back.

Seriously.

When, really, did we become so vain?

My evening routine gets longer, it seems, every month. Right now I have a peach scrub facial wash, followed by a moisturizer. Once a week I do a 10-minute mask. I have moisturizer especially for my eyes. (That costs like $25 for this tiny little jar...) I have a lip mask and a lip balm that I use twice a day.

What happened to brushing my teeth and going to sleep?

My husband is wearing $70 designer jeans.

Huh?

He's also waxing his back.

Or, more exactly, I am waxing his back FOR HIM.

Now, the fact that my husband has hair on his back and chest has never particularly bothered me. It is what it is, and I don't worry about it... he's not furry enough to have that tuft that sticks out at the collar of his t-shirt, and really, that's all that's been important to me.

But, apparently, in addition to 1) not being able to swim very well, 2) not being able to see while swimming because my husband's eyesight is something scarily blind like 20/1000 and 3) being overweight, my husband has a phobia of the swimming pool brought about by the fact that he looks like he's got ursine ancestry.

So... we bought a wax kit and I have been learning the fine art of ripping someone's hair out by the roots.

Fun, fun.

Things to remember, if you try this at home:

- Pull the paper-strips off in the OPPOSITE direction of the hair growth. Otherwise, the hair (and wax) doesn't actually come off. And it's very painful.
- Do Not touch the wax. It's very, very sticky.
- The "after waxing lotion" doesn't do anything. Use mineral oil to remove excess wax.
- Be very careful where you put the lid. In addition to being sticky, wax... oozes. Everywhere.

All jokes aside, the results have been... very nice.

I'm just finding it weird how... image conscious Thomas and I have become.

I used to get up in the morning, and if I bothered to get dressed at all, I'd throw on my house dress. But usually, I just pulled on an extra long t-shirt and schlepped around the house in that, until shortly before Thomas would get home from work, at which point I'd toss on a bra, pair of shorts, use deodorant, and rake a comb through my hair. (Sometimes. Sometimes I skipped the hair-combing bit.)

My wardrobe consisted of a few dozen 3X t-shirts, whatever jeans I could find that fit, and step-in shoes. (Seriously, until last year, I didn't own more than three or four pairs of socks...)

These days, I have tops and coordinating sweaters. I have a pair of tights that are the same color as one of my shirts and a blue sweater dress. I have earrings and chunky bracelets that were bought specifically to match one of my outfits. I have three pairs of high heels that I wear regularly, very expensive running shoes, and a pair of step-ins that I often forget I have, since I'm too busy wearing my high-heeled boots.

My whole life has changed in ways that didn't seem important at the time, but lately have become noticeable as to how much has changed. Instead of leveling three alts to 80, I spent 3 hours at the gym per week. Instead of watching movies all day on Sunday, I walk seven miles. I went to the gym this morning at 6:30am because I won't be able to get in later today, and instead of resenting being awake that early, I more resented the fact that I could only spend 25 minutes in the gym, instead of my usual 90.

Strange.

(Now, if only all these changes were adding up... my weight loss has been stagnant for the last three weeks. gained .2, maintained, lost .2. Gyah!)

10 comments:

Beth said...

I wish I couls convince my husband to wax his back. Maybe one day.

You rock girl. Way to get excited about getting dressed. I bet you look great.

KK @ Running Through Life said...

Ah the changes that come along when we start valuing our body!

Congrats to you and all of your achievements!

Mama Bear June said...

It may seem vain at times, but taking care of our bodies is actually a pretty vital thing to do. Sounds like you've made a lot of progress and are making healthy choices!
Path to Health

Hanlie said...

You're definitely making progress! Well done for taking care of yourself!

My 3 Month Challenge said...

I guess all's well as long as we feel comfortable with ourselves and what we do. I only started putting on makeup since college days, and now I can barely go out without it. Like you, I spend an average of abt 90 minutes at the gym everyday, and I worry if really, effects are showing.

new*me said...

Hi ;) Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday ;) You asked about the calorie cycling. You can find your BMR here http://health.discovery.com/tools/calculators/basal/basal.html
That is about the calories it takes your body to operate if you stayed in bed all day. You eat 500 calories above this for 10 days, then 500 calories under it for 5, then go to 2 days up, and 5 days down and continue as long as you want. It's called zizag dieting and I got my info here. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_3_18/ai_83343022 I skipped to step 3 since I had been plateauing for a month.

My initial 10 high days were 2200 calories and the low days were 1200 based on my weight, age, height. 1200 is hard to maintain. I think I will continue with it a little longer and then do another version of 1600 calorie low days, and 2200 calorie high. I think it should still do the same thing and it will be easier to stick with.

Cammy said...

Tomay-to, to-mah-to. What you call "image conscious", I call Pride of Ownership. :)

Although, I must say I'm impresssed with the three pairs of heels. I have one pair of high-heeled boots and that's IT. Must get busy keeping up with the caterpillar.

Shannon @ The Daily Balance said...

Just found your blog -- too cute! You crack me up!

I just started a blog of my own, check it out when you get a moment!!

Cheers!

Irene said...

My hubby was back hair too and what sucks is that he is so self-conscious about it that he won't goes to a waterpark which requires him to take off his t-shirt to go down the slides. Well, that's ALL waterparks.

So once in awhile I take the trimmer and shave his back. I feel bad for him.

Mary - A Merry Life said...

Oh my! This post was hilarious to read even if a bit disturbing.

All the extra time you take now to get ready might be annoying but its really a good thing. Its you taking more and better care of yourself and thats a GREAT thing. :)