Friday, September 19, 2008

Shine

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson

I was talking with one of the guys who regularly goes to my Weight Watcher's meetings. Bobby's lost about 55 pounds, and he's been a member for about 3 months longer than Thomas and I. He and his wife - who is stunningly beautiful with silver-white hair and the greenest eyes imaginable - were just ahead of us in the Weigh In line. She smiled, big as the world, when she saw us.

"Hi! Oh, my goodness," she exclaims. "You look so thin!"

"Well," I jerk a thumb at Thomas, "He does, at any rate." (Thomas is about 13 pounds away from goal, and if you think I don't resent it sometimes, you have obviously not been paying attention!)

"No, really," she insisted (I wish I could remember her name! bad me!). "You look fantastic."

"Thanks." I went up to get weighed in. I've lost another 2.2 pounds this week, putting my grand total of weight loss at 53.8 pounds. Despite the good loss, I still felt awkward and weird. I don't like or feel comfortable with praise on my weight loss. Almost as much as I feel uncomfortable without getting praise for my weight loss. Kind of a lose-lose situation. I mean, on the one hand, I get pissed as all hell if someone doesn't notice, or doesn't comment, on my weight loss, particularly if I haven't seen them in a long while. On the other hand, I still have trouble seeing myself in the mirror.

Last week, Beth said to me, "Oh, you look so good! I can really see a difference in your face."

To me, my face looks the same as always.

"No," I said. "I don't look good. I look better. But not good."

Beth opened her mouth to protest this, but Thomas held up a hand to dissuade her. "I'm happy with better. For her, it's a start. Let's not push it."

Who am I, to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

I am a wife, and a mother. A daughter and a friend. A writer and a dreamer. I am a gamer. I am a scrapbooker. I am a geek of epic proportions. I am qualified for the Pia Klick Award for Outstanding Achievements in Airheaded Speculations. I am a cook and a housewife. I am still learning what I want out of life. I am still growing and changing.

Who am I, to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

I am Lynn.

(And I indorsed this message.)

9 comments:

Lisa aka water_nymph said...

Who are you to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

You.

Nicole said...

I think that was a lovely, truthful revelation!

BTW, I play WoW too..small world!

kikimonster said...

I adore that quote. Seriously, you need to take some me mirror time and just enjoy the beauty that is YOU.

Cammy said...

For me, it's the focus on my physical self that's uncomfortable. I want to tell everyone to quit looking at my body. It's not polite. :)

I'd say congrats on the loss but ... you know....

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

I think the feelings behind the discomfort of praise ( I have the same problem)are the core of weight issues for a lot of people. It's the being okay with the inside as well as the outside. Or maybe a meeting of the minds so to speak.

Either way, "I am still growning and changing" - that statement says it all.

Good on ya mate! :)

Jesse Mendez said...

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jesse

Big Girl said...

I love that Marianne Williamson quote.

Who are we is an interesting question and I'm not sure if we ever really know.

Thinking Thin said...

You know I have heard similar things from other people. I have always thought when I heard that, that I wouldn't feel like that but I wonder...hmm, will I? Will I still feel the same way about myself 50lbs thinner as I do now? Quit making me think woman!

I am sure you look fabulous and one day will you see it and believe it!!

BTW, I changed the challenge (because I can). I went back to the tried and true biggest loser challenge that we did last time. Want to give us some competition again?

KK said...

Great revelation and great quote. I think everyday is about growing and changing.

And, when you wrote about the lose-lose situation, I feel the exact same way. I want people to notice how much I have accomplished, but at the same time, that is a constant reminder that I let myself go.