Shine

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson

I was talking with one of the guys who regularly goes to my Weight Watcher's meetings. Bobby's lost about 55 pounds, and he's been a member for about 3 months longer than Thomas and I. He and his wife - who is stunningly beautiful with silver-white hair and the greenest eyes imaginable - were just ahead of us in the Weigh In line. She smiled, big as the world, when she saw us.

"Hi! Oh, my goodness," she exclaims. "You look so thin!"

"Well," I jerk a thumb at Thomas, "He does, at any rate." (Thomas is about 13 pounds away from goal, and if you think I don't resent it sometimes, you have obviously not been paying attention!)

"No, really," she insisted (I wish I could remember her name! bad me!). "You look fantastic."

"Thanks." I went up to get weighed in. I've lost another 2.2 pounds this week, putting my grand total of weight loss at 53.8 pounds. Despite the good loss, I still felt awkward and weird. I don't like or feel comfortable with praise on my weight loss. Almost as much as I feel uncomfortable without getting praise for my weight loss. Kind of a lose-lose situation. I mean, on the one hand, I get pissed as all hell if someone doesn't notice, or doesn't comment, on my weight loss, particularly if I haven't seen them in a long while. On the other hand, I still have trouble seeing myself in the mirror.

Last week, Beth said to me, "Oh, you look so good! I can really see a difference in your face."

To me, my face looks the same as always.

"No," I said. "I don't look good. I look better. But not good."

Beth opened her mouth to protest this, but Thomas held up a hand to dissuade her. "I'm happy with better. For her, it's a start. Let's not push it."

Who am I, to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

I am a wife, and a mother. A daughter and a friend. A writer and a dreamer. I am a gamer. I am a scrapbooker. I am a geek of epic proportions. I am qualified for the Pia Klick Award for Outstanding Achievements in Airheaded Speculations. I am a cook and a housewife. I am still learning what I want out of life. I am still growing and changing.

Who am I, to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

I am Lynn.

(And I indorsed this message.)